


Tatoos

by bedlinens



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-20
Updated: 2012-05-20
Packaged: 2017-11-05 17:22:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/409033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bedlinens/pseuds/bedlinens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a three-part story which is more of a study about a very specific tattoo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To Get A Tattoo

**Author's Note:**

> The first part takes places in the past, when Jax was 19, and the two later parts are post season 2 and before I saw season 3 so pretty much AU.

_Flashback_

The blindfold felt scratchy, on her eyes and she had a sneaking suspicion Jax had used it to wipe the grease of his hands. Saying she wanted to rip it off was a huge understatement. The girl kept on breathing then out, trying to not let her tamper get the better of her. This was supposed to be a surprise of some sort, and she couldn’t ruin it for Jax. Actually she could, but she didn’t want to. So instead, she would have to bear it a little longer, this scratchy piece of tissue.

She refrained from asking him one more time if they were almost there, praying that they were. He was leading her somewhere in town, with everybody watching them or so it felt. She could feel the stares of the good people of Charming on her, or maybe it was just paranoia taking. Anyway, she just wanted to get to the actual surprise, the wait was messing with her big time.

She heard a bell ring after Jax opened a door in front of her, and she prayed that it was the end of their journey...

“Here we are, babe, are you ready?” He whispered in her ear.

She felt a shiver run down her spine as it always did when he used his most suave tone on her. He must have been able to tell that she was getting annoyed, and he was pulling out the big guns to appease her, a part of her brain noted, but the rest of it was too busy picturing them naked, and sweaty, and moving, and… She felt heat all over.

“Already? And here I was looking forward to wearing that filthy scarf a little longer. How about we go take another stroll in town before you really show me your surprise?” She managed to quip.

His lips were against her ear in a heartbeat, and he whispered:

“I’ll put it back on tonight, if you like it so much... I can think of a few scenarios involving it…”

She kept her lips tight in order to keep in a moan she could feel coming. He finally cut the teasing short, and she felt his hands on the back of her head untying the dirty rag. He petted her hair lightly, almost out of habit, then said:

“Tadda!”

The bright sudden light burnt her retinas and she had to suppress the urge to protect her eyes with her palms. Instead, she forced herself to take in her surroundings. His hand found hers and he linked their fingers together, asking:

“So, what do you think?”

She gave him a placating smile, trying to form an opinion. This was big, or at least it had the potential to be really big. But it could also mean nothing…

They were standing in the Charming Tattoo parlor. She recognized a man sitting on a stool a little farther away from them, and she knew he was the one the Sons went to for their tattoos. But there were other tattoo artists there too. She didn’t want to jump to conclusion.

“We’re in a tattoo parlor? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve wanted to get a tattoo for some time, but what did you have in mind when you brought me here?” she asked cautiously, still smiling, not wanting to hurt him.

“We’re not in any tattoo parlor, babe, we’re in the Sons one. This is where I got my back done when I was patched in a couple of months ago,” he explained.

Her heart flinched a little when she felt him get insecure. He was shuffling on his feet, and his palm was getting sweaty in hers, as if he was suddenly re-thinking everything he had planned.

“And I love those tattoos you got,” she said, trying to calm him a little, smiling at him. “I’m just not sure what kind of plans you have that involve this tattoo parlor, you and me, but I’m sure I’ll love it. Unless you want me to get “Jax’s property tattooed on my ass”, that’s a big no-no buddy,” she joked, bumping his shoulder with hers.

“But it would look so good on your cute cheeks!” he joked back, appearing o regain a little his natural confidence.

She was always amazed by the power she seemed to have over him sometimes. He was John Teller’s son, and even if he had gone through the prospect ritual, but everybody knew he was going to get in. He was royalty as far as the Sons were concerned, and he knew it well. He was a tough guy, and she loved him for it. Yet, when she would disapprove of some of the things he’d do, Sons-related or not, he would lose that confidence a little. No one else could make him doubt himself, except for his momma dearest of course. Tara felt a little humbled by the fact that she could make Jax Teller insecure.

“Not happening!” she sing-song. “Why are we here Teller? Spill it…”

He kept a small smile on his face, yet the insecurity was back, she could see it in the back of his eyes.

“You know, I’m a Son now, for good. I got patched in, I’m no prospect anymore. And this makes you no longer my girlfriend, but something more, in the Sons system.”

He was rambling, it was cute and totally uncharacteristic of him.

“I know, you’re a mean Son now. “ She said.

“And if I’m a Son, that makes you my Old Lady,” he finally blurted out.

She took a moment to take in what he had just said, pressing his hand in reassurance all the time. This was huge. This was so fucking huge… She was going to turn eighteen in a couple of months, she was going to graduate some time after that. She was… young, for lack of a better word. It was so ironic that she could be considered now an Old Lady… But Jax saw her as his, and this meant something so fucking huge. She was always afraid he was going to leave her now that he was a Son, that he could have all the crow eaters he wanted. She loved him, of that she was sure, and he loved her, even though he complained about how clingy she could get sometimes. He didn’t seem to grasp she was so clingy because she was so afraid to lose him. And then, he did this, get her in the Sons’ tattoo parlor, with hope in his eyes, and fear too.

She swallowed a little uneasily then asked:

“Did you bring me here for me to get the crow?”

_End Flashback_


	2. The Meaning Of A Tattoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a three-part story which is more of a study about a very specific tattoo.  
> Disclaimer: Not Mine, don't sue, they belong to Kurt Sutter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part takes places in the past, when Jax was 19, and the two later parts are post season 2 and before I saw season 3 so pretty much AU.

_"Did you bring me here to get the crow?"_

She remembered that day as if it had happened a few minutes ago, she could still feel his eyes on her, as he slowly nodded, and the warmth of his hand in hers as the tattoo artist had worked on her skin.

Tara swallowed heavily, her hand on the tattoo parlor’s door, ready to come back in, for the first time in… Had it already been 11 years? No wait, 12 now? She could remember everything so clearly, it was difficult to believe it had been over a decade ago. She shook her head briefly, then got her most serious face on, the one that said that she was a fucking doctor and you shouldn’t mess with her, before pushing the door open.

Talk about a blast from the past. The parlor hadn’t changed one bit since she had been there with Jax all those years ago. Everything was at the exact same place she remembered it to be, to the tee. Even the artist who had done her crow was still there, standing behind a station that hadn’t changed. When he got a glimpse of her, he waved respectfully then made his way to her, telling his client that he would be back.

She gave him a small smile when they shook hands.

“Mrs Teller, I’m really glad to see you again,” he said, grasping her palm firmly, pulling her with him toward another section of the parlor.

“It’s actually Ms Knowles, or Dr Knowles, if we want to be pompous,” she said, still smiling.

“How should I call you?” The man asked, “by your maiden name, or one of your title? I’m pliable, I wouldn’t want to piss Jax Teller’s Old Lady off, if you know what I mean.”

She chuckled, though she wouldn’t have been able to say why. She remembered the way he had slowly put gaze over her brand new crow when she was 17, and had smiled, saying that she was the youngest Old Lady he had ever crowed, but that he liked them together and could see tell they were heading for great things. Had he been true back then, or just rubbing Teller’s son the right way? In the end, he had turned out to be right in his prediction, but talk about a gamble. He could have lost all credibility with such random statements. Or maybe, he had known better, even when they hadn’t.

She gave him a toothy smile and said:

“Just call me Tara, pompous is not me.”

“Very well Tara” he said, indicating for her to take a seat in the main office. “I’m not sure you remember, but I’m …”

“Lenny,” she finished for him. “I remember you. Women always keep a soft spot in their heart for the guy who gave them their first tattoo.”

He laughed warmly.

“I’m honored you remember me. I remember all my clients, but the Old Ladies have a special place in my old heart too. The Sons are nice, good guys, but you tend to remember the softer skin of you Ladies more than the hide of the Sons. Though I remember a couple of Sons who had incredibly soft skin too,” he added, as an afterthought, with a weirded out expression on his face.

“I know, right?” she exclaimed. “Jax’s skin, I mean, I don’t know if his father had the same kind of skin texture, but it’s so freaking soft, one couldn’t tell he used to have acne on his back when we were 14. I’m almost jealous sometimes,” she said with a grimace.

Lenny laughed again while sitting on the desk instead of going behind it.

“Anyway, what can I do for you, Lenny?” Tara asked after a while when both their laughter had died.

He sobered down and started explaining:

“I’m sorry if I bothered you, but there’s something going down at my parlor, and I think it needs the Sons’ supervision, or at least their ladies. If Gemma was still there, I would have called her, but with her unfortunate absence, I thought you’d be the most apt to solve this pickle for me.”

Tara was a little surprised by this introduction, getting acknowledged everywhere as Jax Teller’s Old Lady was still getting some time to get accustomed to, so being called because of this title was even stranger.

“There’s a young lady, currently sitting in one of my chairs,” Lenny went on, “who says that she should get the crow tattoo, that it’s time. Except there’s no Son or an Old Lady with her. I don’t feel right giving her what she’s asking, at least not without any endorsing from someone who would know if she really deserved it. The Sons’ clientele is something I really care about, and I don’t want to jeopardize it. I mean, I’ve seen her around with a Son, but I’m not sure he’s the one who sent her to get the crow.”

He looked at her, like she was supposed to get instantly what he was referring, who “she” was, and who the Son was. She rose from her chair and quickly went to the door to peak outside with her most serious expression on, like she was just making sure. She saw blond hair on the chair she remembered laying in when she had gotten crowed, and swore under her breathe when she realized who it was.

She went back to the chair, and she exchanged a knowing look with the old tattoo artist.

“You were right to make sure before you inked her,” she said. “I’m not saying she’s not Old Lady material at all, I think there are more parameters at stake here. If you don’t mind, I’m going to go talk to her and we should be out of your hair soon.”

“You do what you have to do. It just didn’t feel right, to give her the crow, especially without Mr Winston here with her, especially considering he never brought me Donna to ink. I would have remembered tattooing such a small lady. That would have been a challenge to do something beautiful on such a cute doll,” he said, almost absent-mindedly, like he was seizing Donna in his head to see the best way to start painting on her back.

“Well, Opie must have had his reasons, and I think I need to go to Lyla and try to discuss this with her. We will not make a scene of any kind in your shop, don’t worry.”

He just nodded. He went to work on some papers sitting on the desk, while she slowly made her way out of the office, looking for the right way to approach this situation.

Gemma would have dealt with this so perfectly, she kept thinking. She needed to channel her inner Gemma, but did she even have one? Oh god… She thought about all those talks they had had before the woman had to run away, and tried to gather strength from those.

She walked to the chair Lyla was in, pulling on a much braver face than what she was feeling and said:

“Hey.”

‘Real smooth, Tara,’ she thought, ‘way to go, just don’t quit your day job.’ She was desperately hoping she looked more self assured than she felt.

Lyla jumped a little, straightening herself up.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Hey Doc, what are you doing here?” Lyla asked with doe eyes.

Tara motioned for her to scoot over so that she could sit next to her. The woman promptly did, and the brunette sat there, trying to find the way to bring up the discussion they needed to have. Their thighs were touching, and it felt too close, too personal, but she kept telling herself that if the other woman was annoyed by this contact, she had to be the one to move. She was supposed to bow to no one, and that meant kicking girls out of their chairs if she had to.

“Well, I was just passing through the neighborhood, and I saw you through the front windows. I’d thought I’d stop and see what you’re getting inked with.” Tara finally said, with a neutral face.

The blonde blushed to the root of her hair, and said:

“I’m getting a crow.”

“Really?” Tara asked, pretending to not get the subtext. “Where?”

The girl got even redder if that was possible and gulped loudly.

“On my back,” she said, like a little girl who was confessing to having done some naughty mischief.

It was oddly appropriate, as Tara felt like the school teacher scolding one of her pupils. She looked for her next words carefully, then finally blurted out:

“Really?”

She couldn’t keep the grimace of her face.

“Well, yeah… I mean, Opie and I… We’re doing good, you know? And it’s been almost 5 months since we got together, and…”

“And it’s been 8 months since we buried his beloved wife and mother of his children,” Tara jibed with more cruelty that she intended to express. “Okay, that was rude,” she apologized on the spot. “I don’t get why I can’t be civil to you in a conversation, we have a horrible history when it comes to discussion, and it’s mostly my fault,” she started rambling a little, crouching on herself.

“No, I’m sure it isn’t” Lyla said, with very little conviction. “I mean, I’m sure I must have done something to warrant your distaste, you’re too nice a person. You’re the Doc, you know?”

“No, it’s completely my fault,” Tara stated. “Even though, to redeem my character a little, we’ve mostly had our talks at moments of my life when I was troubled. That doesn’t make me less of a bitch, but you know, I’m a bitch with mitigating circumstances. My momma would be so proud…”

This made Lyla laugh a little, and they shared a moment of comfortable silence, with something that felt close to camaraderie. She hated it, but Tara knew she had to keep the topic, even if it meant breaking that small truce.

“Really Lyla, what are you doing here?”

“I don’t know. It feels like it’s time, you know? So I decided to be a grown-up, and just dragged my ass here to get this thing done,” Lyla said shriveling on herself too.

She glanced sideways at Tara with a hurt look in her eyes and said:

“I was wrong, wasn’t I, it’s not time?”

“I’m sorry, but it’s not how it works. I don’t know much about you. In fact, I don’t even know if you grow up here or if you moved to Charming at some point. I honestly don’t remember seeing you in high school, but you know, I was in the Sons’ bubble already, so the other chicks, well I didn’t care about them…” Tara said with an unapologetic look.

“I moved to Charming two years ago,” Lyla said, “when Luanne got me in the hum.. movie business let’s say, so you didn’t ignore me in high school or something.”

“Good, that’s good… Anyway, I’m completely off track here. I kinda wish Gemma was still there, she would have been better at this.”

“But she’s not there, and you’re the OLIC now,” Lyla said.

“OLIC? Oh! The Old Lady In Charge? Cute!” Tara chuckled. “I guess I am. And I don’t like what I have to do, but I have to. I wasn’t walking anywhere near here, Lenny called me. Getting the crow, Lyla, it doesn’t happen this way. I mean, there’s no standard procedure, no written manual you should have read,” she went on, looking at the girl in the eyes, “but you must feel that there’s something wrong with the way you’re proceeding.”

“How did it happen for you?”

“Funny, I was just remembering it… Jax took me here, when I was almost 18,” Tara said with a smile. “Gemma was incredibly pissed when she find out I had gotten crowed, but there was no taking it back, and both Jax and I were adamant we knew what we were doing. It was huge, we were so young. And for years, I pretended I kept that crow on my back as a reminder of my previous mistakes, but now I know I just knew, or maybe just hoped that one day I would earn the right to exhibit it proudly, and I did.”

She lifted the hem of her shirt to show her back, moving to the side for Lyla to see it.

“The crow is something special Lyla, it’s bounding, in ways you cannot comprehend until you have it on your back, in your skin. It can feel stronger than a wedding ring.”

“Is it why you and Jax are not married, the crow is enough?” Lyla asked.

It felt weird, she was so insecure, she seemed so much younger than she had to be. Or maybe she was just that young, and the tough life she had lead had made her age faster.

“No, let’s not mix everything up. Jax and I aren’t married because Wendy still hasn’t signed the papers. I’m not saying we’re getting married the moment we get the papers back, it’s just that for now, we can’t trouble ourselves with whether we want to or not, it’s not a possibility. But the crow… It’s just important, and special.”

“Then why didn’t Donna get it done?” Lyla asked. “The old guy mumbled something about it when I asked him for my tattoo.”

“I can’t be sure, I’m not Opie, but I’m guessing that his history with the Sons was more troubled than most, and he didn’t want to ask her to bear his crow until he knew for sure he wanted back in and he wanted her with him. Who knows, maybe she would have gotten crowed by now, if she hadn’t been killed. The thing is, you can’t decide that you deserve that tattoo, Lyla, Opie has to be the one to bring you here. Has he made any comments suggesting he wanted you to get it, has he been dropping hints?”

“No, he hasn’t,” the blonde said deflating. “I just think we’re in a good place right now, and he won’t marry me because he’s still married to Donna in his head, but maybe the crow would have been the thing to tie us together, since she never got it done. I’m a fool.”

“Yeah, but you’re in love. Let’s get out of here, Lyla. When Opie feels like the time is right, he will ask you, and you’ll come back here proudly, with him by your side. It will be a great moment for the both of you, the power will be intoxicating, the meaning too. Right now, if you insist on getting it done, you will just be robbing him of one his prerogatives and he will resent you for it. Plus, I will have to tell the guys so that they can burn the crow out of your back with acid or fire, and you don’t want to go there. I mean, I may not be as strong as Gemma and make you run away from here because I’m intimidating, but if I need to fix the mistake I would make in letting you get it done, I would still fulfill my duty as the OLIC, as you so nicely put it, and report you to the Sons. Those things matter. I remember my crow like it was yesterday, because it was special, and it was a binding moment. I remember Jax’s hand in mine, the words he would whisper in my ear when the pain would make me hiss. I remember the way he would look at me, I can still feel the kisses he would drop on my hand, I fucking remember everything, down to each puncture the needle would make, as it was making us unbreakable. Don’t you want that with Opie?”

Tara blushed when she heard the words coming out of her voice, but she couldn’t stop them to save her life. She also remembered how guilty she had felt lying in bed with him that very night, thinking about those college application papers she had received and still hadn’t mentioned to him.

“No, you’re right, I want that,” Lyla said. “I’m so stupid. Thank you for stepping in.”

“No problem,” Tara smiled. “Now get your ass out of here before somebody spots you there and tells Opie you were here. If you don’t tell him about how foolish you were today, I won’t either.”

“Deal,” Lyla said, jumping from the chair.

She started making her way toward the exit when she saw that Tara was not following her.

“Aren’t you coming with me?”

“If you don’t mind,” Tara said, moving to lie on the chair, “I’m going to stay here a little longer, I’m feeling quite nostalgic.”

The blonde nodded, and ran out of the shop saying “Bye Doc!” to which Tara didn’t answer. She just stared at the ceiling above her head, and marveled at how the chair still smelled the same too. It was there that Jax had gotten Abel’s name tattooed across his chest, and she was almost positive he was the last Son to have gotten tattooed anything so far in this chair. She felt stupid, but she liked it. She heard someone come almost silently to sit in the artist’s chair, and when she tilted her head, she was not surprised to see Lenny smiling sheepishly at her.

“So,” he said, “what can I do for you today?”

She thought about it for a moment, then put her hand on the small of her belly, near her waistline, muttering a few instructions. Lenny’s smile widened, and a couple of minutes later, he got down to work.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a three-part story which is more of a study about a very specific tattoo.  
> Disclaimer: Not Mine, don't sue. I own nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part takes places in the past, when Jax was 19, and the two later parts are post season 2 and before I saw season 3 so pretty much AU.

_A few months later_

Jax was waken up by a strange chill running up and down his spine. He couldn’t tell what was wrong yet, but his sixth sense or whatever was kicking in big time. He raised his head a little, and was greeted by the sight of Tara sleeping on her side, her face to him, with Abel cradled against her chest. The baby seemed to have very few recollections of the weeks he spent in Belfast, but from time to time, he would get night terrors, and he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep unless one of them was holding him. Last night had been one of those nights when he needed to be with them. Tara was holding him to her, the way the baby needed to finally find sleep.

Though, Abel seemed to be waking up, his eyelids fluttering a little. Cautiously, Jax extracted him from Tara’s arms, telling her to go back to sleep, and he took the slowly rousing baby in his arms, walking around the bed a little to see if Abel wanted to wake up completely or just go back to his mother’s arms. The baby meowed a couple of time, indicating he wanted food, and Jax took the hint. He dropped a kiss on the top of Tara’s head, then let his hand linger briefly on her back, to the crow, before pulling back the blankets on top of her, Abel perched in his arms. The baby tried to touch the sleeping woman too but with less success. Chuckling, his father lowered him so that he could put one sloppy kiss on her ear. Tara laughed and petted the baby’s head, then Jax's before going back to sleep, rolling herself in the covers.

He kinda liked the sight. Who was he kidding? He loved seeing her sleep in his bed. It was making him want to have her there permanently. Sure, she hadn’t slept elsewhere than in this house for God knew how long, but Jax couldn’t help but feel annoyance at the fact that she still owned her father’s house. She seemed to trust him, had been for months now, but they both remembered how she would run away in the past when things got too messy. Her father’s house and her reluctance to let it go even if it was for sentimental reasons still gave her an opportunity to run away if things went awry between them. He didn’t want to trap her with him, he just wanted her to prove that she really wasn’t running anymore, by selling this house.

Though he’d never tell that, he thought briefly, walking into the nursery to grab Abel’s bear. They had talked about everything, full disclosure as she had asked all those months ago, but this was the one topic he refused to actual bring up. If she got rid of the house on her own, it would be much more symbolic than if she did because he had asked her to. Until then, he was stuck to waiting, chomping at the bit. As long as she never actually moved back in fully in her father’s house, he could live with knowing that it was there.

This was way too heavy a topic for such a beautiful morning, he thought, returning his attention to his son, the bear firmly stuck in his arms. The kid meowed another time, looking at his father with big hungry eyes, like he hadn’t eaten in weeks. The dramatics made Jax laugh and he got them both to the kitchen.

When he saw the person sitting at their table, Jax finally understood why his spine had been feeling funky since he woke up.

“Hello Wendy.”

She tilted her head at him, while putting down her cigarette when she spotted the baby. She looked okay, he thought, there were no puncture marks on her arms, only scars of the ones that had been there before, and she appeared to be quite rested.

He quickly put the baby on the blanket where all his toys were laying on the ground then went to open the kitchen’s window, to refresh the air. He grabbed the sweater that was lying around and pulled it on. This may be California it still felt chilly in the morning. He then got a bottle and poured the formula for Abel, quickly mixed everything and got it in the micro wave.

“What are you doing here?” He asked when the thing was heating.

“I needed to see you. The front door was open, I didn’t break and enter,” she said quickly.

“I’m sure you didn’t. But you gotta see why I may be surprised to see you at my kitchen table.” He said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

She nodded slowly then said:

“Where is Gemma? Still on the run? I tried to get to her first, so that she would be the one I would deal with, but Clay basically tossed me out of their house with a shotgun.”

“My mother is in a safe place, and we’re dealing with Stahl, Gemma should be back before Abel’s first birthday if things work the way we intend them to. I’d never thought I’d leave to see the day when you’d rather deal with her than with me.”

He got the bottle from the micro wave, and after checking how hot it was, he went to sit with Abel, to feed him the bottle. The baby, who was becoming more and more of a toddler every day, could hold it on his own, but he was quite a messy eater for now, and Jax didn’t feel like cleaning whatever mess he was sure to make. Plus it gave him something to do while dealing with Wendy.

“Well, I never thought I’d see that day too, but going to Gemma seemed like a good idea. I came here to give you this.”

She handed out his way a bunch of papers. He motioned that he couldn’t get them, with Abel in his arms, and she dropped to the ground next to him. Jax had a fleeting sensation of panic, imagining Tara coming to find them both to the ground and drawing wrong conclusions, of whatever kind. He remembered the Caracara incident, his woman had temper. He loved that.

“What’s that?” He asked, pointing to the documents.

“We’re divorced; I signed those papers you gave me like a year ago. He’s gotten so big!” She said with tears in her eyes while she offered Abel her finger to grip on.

With a sigh, he gave the baby to her, and she took him with gratitude. She started cooing, and Jax wondered briefly whether he had closed the bedroom door behind him, if Tara could hear that. Wendy was entitled to seeing her son, but he didn’t like that taking place while she was asleep, like they were hiding. He got up, with the divorce papers, checking that Wendy had indeed signed wherever she was supposed to.

“He’s getting bigger by the minute,” he finally said, when everything seemed to be completely done right. “Sometimes, I fear that I’m gonna blink and miss something big, like his first steps, or his first words. He’s a little behind because of the difficult start he got at this, but he should start talking soon. I had to stop swearing around him.”

She laughed.

“That must be hell for you.”

“You do what you have to do… Besides, he’ll learn all those niceties soon enough, we’re just trying to keep him pure and innocent a little longer,” he said snorting.

He made himself a cup of coffee, while she gave the baby the remnant of the bottle. After some time, he asked:

“No offense, but couldn’t you have put those in the mailbox? Why did you need to go to Gemma or to me for that?”

“I guess I could have, but that’s not all,” she said, putting the baby back on the blanket when he was done eating. “I need money.”

“Oh Wendy…” Jax moaned.

“Not for that,” she cut him off, “I’m clean now. I may have waved off my parental rights on this little guy, but I’m trying to stay clean for him, and for now, I’m doing okay. That’s why I wanted to see Gemma rather than you.”

“Yeah, because Gemma would have just given you all the money in the world without question,” he mocked. “Then why do you want money? I thought you had a new place, and a new job…”

“I do, but I need more money for something else. I’m starting over, and I’m trying to leave the past behind. Everything,” she said, getting up. “I talked about it with my sponsor, and she agreed with me. I need to leave the Sons behind, and all that being a part of these circles meant. I want to get my crow erased.”

It hit him like a ton of brick. He could have pictured her coming back to see him for a lot of reasons, but that was the least of those. He objectively didn’t really care whether she kept the crow or not, but obviously, it meant something to her.

“O-kay…” He said.

“I signed the divorce papers for that, I don’t wanna remain tied to you anymore than I need to. And I want to lose the crow. It was supposed to be the sign of something good, but now, whenever I see it in the mirror, it reminds me of my failures as a wife and a mother. It’s a constant reminder of all the mistakes I made, of how naïve I was. I’m not bitter, but with the distance, I can now see that I was deluding myself. I loved you, but you loved her, always,” she said motioning to the bedroom door. “When all the other Old Ladies went with their men to get crowed, it was your mom who got me to the tattoo parlor three months into our marriage, because you didn’t seem to think it was necessary. It’s just a painful reminder, and I want it off. Will you help me?”

He looked at her breathing deeply.

“I can see that this matter to you,” he finally said, “and well, when you recount it like that, it makes sense that you would want it off of you. I don’t have hidden resources or stuff like that, but when you’ll have a good surgeon and a hospital, I’ll chip in to pay this intervention. I’m just, I don’t know… I’m sorry I inflicted you so much pain. I guess I never saw, or maybe I didn’t want to see it…”

“Enough,” she said with a brave smile on her face. “I don’t need your apologies. I’m doing this for me, and for Abel. If one day he asks to meet his birth mother, I want to be able to meet him, I don’t want you to have to explain to him that I killed myself doing drugs. This intervention or whatever is just a step to help me make it through that day.”

“I hope you’ll make it to that day,” he said, scratching his beard absent-mindedly. “You contact me later, and I’ll write you a check or something. I’m guessing those cra… things must be expensive, not to mention painful…”

“Some pain is good, it can be cleansing,” she said with a Mona Lisa smile. “Thank you for agreeing to this.”

She went to the chair she was seated on previously, and got her purse. She gave Abel a last kiss, the baby boy not really paying attention to anything but the toy giraffe he was playing with.

“You should lock your front door,” she said, “weird people could get in while you’re sleeping.”

He laughed a little, taking another sip of his coffee. She was making her way to said door when she turned back and said:

“Jax?”

“Yeah?”

“Before entering, I wanted to check you were there and not staying at her place, so I looked through the bedroom window. Was I seeing things or does she have my son’s name tattooed on her belly?”

He smiled proudly, then thought that his reaction was totally inappropriate. Yet, he couldn’t tear the smile off his face.

“Yeah, she does. You have good eyes, it’s not a huge tattoo. She got it some time after we got Abel back from the Irish.”

Wendy swallowed loudly then explained:

“I may have been checking her stomach with insistence to see if you were working on getting a second heir on the way for your throne. I guess this answers what was going to be my next question, about whether or not she was ready to be a mother for my son while I was gone.”

“She already is. I don’t mean to hurt you more than I already did, Wendy, but Tara loves Abel, and you should be sure of that.”

He didn’t voice out loud that when Tara had gotten back from the parlor with this new tattoo, she had explained to him, a little shyly that she had wished that she had been the one to give birth to this baby, and that with his name on her belly, she felt like she would be bearing him at least in one way. He only remembered how proud he had felt when he had seen it, and with her explanation. Now that he thought about it a little more, maybe he shouldn’t worry that much about her not having sold her father’s house for now, she was doing other gestures that expressed that she didn’t intend to run away ever again.

Wendy just nodded, before leaving, closing the door behind her. Jax was left alone with his son and his coffee, definitely not the worst combination ever. He went to close the window, now that the cigarette smoke had been evacuated, then went to play with Abel. When the time was right, he fixed another cup of coffee for Tara, then with the baby, went to wake her before she got late for work.


End file.
